7 most painful things.
1. Having a commitment with someone that would not last. This is the thing that I felt recently. I was not sure that the relationship I had would last. I had instinct that it would not last. I always have that confident in my self when having a love relationship with someone. But that time I felt doubt at all. I was so afraid to love. Its because of past thingy. I should love like I’ve never been hurt like everyone says. But when that person gave me some uncomfortable feedback. What does it mean? I suddenly think that the relationship would not last. And my instinct is always right. I knew it. And its killing me so much. Huhuhu.
2. Trying to hide what I really feel. This is the one. This is happening to me all the time. I always have that hurt feeling in the wrong moment when I think I should not mess anything up. So I try to hide my feeling. Its seriously killing me. When someone lets me down, I try to be strong. That thing makes me kill myself. You know, be strong isn’t always a good choice. I have a right to break down, but all I do is being strong. That makes me kill my self, again. Huhh? I know you’ve been through it. I know how you feel.
3. Bringing back the feeling you’ve learned to forget. You know what, the hardest thing to do in life is forgetting. Its hard to forget something you wish you don’t want to remember again. And when that thing happens, it feels like you just back to the past again. Feels like the time has brought you to the past again. I hate this. Seriously.
4. “What ifs”. These 2 words are always running in my mind. I just cant delete it. I just cant throw it. It sticks in my head. And I think it would stick there forever. I hate when I feel regret, I think about what if, what if, what if and what if. “What if I don’t let him enter my heart, I wouldn’t be hurt like this.” This is the one and the most that running through my mind. Every time someone left me, those words will always coming in my head.
5. Loving a person too much. I am the type of girl who loves someone too much. This is the thing that I really hate about myself. I shouldn’t love someone so much when I know that person will eventually leave me with nothing. It’s killing me more when I know the person that I love too much loves another. Can you imagine what I have been through before? It happened when I learned how to love for the very first time. Seriously, it was so painful.
6. Accepting that it was never meant to be. I always have this feeling. Trying to accept the thing that will never happen. Trying is hard for me when the result is I never want to accept it. Well, I eventually got it. But it took a very long time to accept. It took thousands miles to run away from it. it took many sacrifices just to get over it. Trust me, I took it all just to get there and have that good feeling again.
7. Reminiscing the good times. When I am down, I always try to remember all of the good time I had with my friends, my family or with the special one. But that is the hardest thing. When in the moment, you are desperately wishing you could have that moment again. But the truth is it would never happen and you know it. Having a good time is the thing that I want so much. Like who doesn’t? Everyone wants a good time.
2. Trying to hide what I really feel. This is the one. This is happening to me all the time. I always have that hurt feeling in the wrong moment when I think I should not mess anything up. So I try to hide my feeling. Its seriously killing me. When someone lets me down, I try to be strong. That thing makes me kill myself. You know, be strong isn’t always a good choice. I have a right to break down, but all I do is being strong. That makes me kill my self, again. Huhh? I know you’ve been through it. I know how you feel.
3. Bringing back the feeling you’ve learned to forget. You know what, the hardest thing to do in life is forgetting. Its hard to forget something you wish you don’t want to remember again. And when that thing happens, it feels like you just back to the past again. Feels like the time has brought you to the past again. I hate this. Seriously.
4. “What ifs”. These 2 words are always running in my mind. I just cant delete it. I just cant throw it. It sticks in my head. And I think it would stick there forever. I hate when I feel regret, I think about what if, what if, what if and what if. “What if I don’t let him enter my heart, I wouldn’t be hurt like this.” This is the one and the most that running through my mind. Every time someone left me, those words will always coming in my head.
5. Loving a person too much. I am the type of girl who loves someone too much. This is the thing that I really hate about myself. I shouldn’t love someone so much when I know that person will eventually leave me with nothing. It’s killing me more when I know the person that I love too much loves another. Can you imagine what I have been through before? It happened when I learned how to love for the very first time. Seriously, it was so painful.
6. Accepting that it was never meant to be. I always have this feeling. Trying to accept the thing that will never happen. Trying is hard for me when the result is I never want to accept it. Well, I eventually got it. But it took a very long time to accept. It took thousands miles to run away from it. it took many sacrifices just to get over it. Trust me, I took it all just to get there and have that good feeling again.
7. Reminiscing the good times. When I am down, I always try to remember all of the good time I had with my friends, my family or with the special one. But that is the hardest thing. When in the moment, you are desperately wishing you could have that moment again. But the truth is it would never happen and you know it. Having a good time is the thing that I want so much. Like who doesn’t? Everyone wants a good time.
